Tag Archives: mourning


Hey everyone, this week has been a little weird. I got a text from my Mom on Monday saying our dog Madison couldn’t stand up and they made an appointment at the vet that night. The next morning I got a text from my Mom that she had been put to sleep. The first day I felt pretty fine. I thought it might of been because we knew she was in poor health the past two years. She had a lot of joint problems, going blind, loosing hearing, and had a harder time controlling her bladder. After all, she was 15 years old. The last time I visited my parents house, she was constantly slipping and sliding. A year ago if you tried to help her, she usually wiggled around in your hands hoping you didn’t pick her up. But in recent times, she gave up and surrendered, knowing she needed that help to get back on her feet. But the next few days I just felt like crap, and I kind-of ignored it. I’m feeling a little better, but she was in fact my first pet that wasn’t a rodent. I had guinea pigs when I was younger, and let’s be real, humans have stronger bonds with dogs (because of you know, evolution). Although I am sad to loose a friend, I am glad that she is no longer in pain. I think out of all people, my father is taking it the hardest. He didn’t seem to think she was in as much pain as everyone else thought. Maybe he was in denial. Maybe not. But it is a little funny when the day before we adopted Madison my Father played dumb about the whole thing, “Dad, are you excited about getting a dog?” “Oh we are are adopting a dog?” But I think the second he saw a small 3 pound puppy hopping through our over grown grass, he fell in love. The lawn also got mowed soon afterwards.

It was only a few days after bringing her home, I remember there was a huge hurricane and the power went out in the middle of August (or maybe July?) She wasn’t far in her house training, she was black, and there was no electricity. I just remember unable to sleep all night, having a crying puppy. I remember being distinctly afraid of taking her outside since it was so dark, nor could I even see her properly in the dark so I couldn’t get her leash on even if I tried. Poor puppy had worms and lets just leave it at this, we threw out the carpet the next morning. She got better and was a pretty wild pup. Everyone has a preconceived notion that poodles are well behaved dogs, but Madison was a fairly gross dog. She loved rolling around in our compost heap and would come in with smelly grey stuff matted in her fur. She managed to kill a family of baby moles, catch birds in midair, and later in life eat whole rotting fish. Classy dog eh?

A week before I left for college she drove across the country with my Mother to her new home in Saint George Utah. This would be her new home, which didn’t seem like a normal place for a black poodle. Saint George is located in southern Utah, so the area is a desert (not anything like Salt Lake City). She was pretty happy there since she was able to have someone home with her all the time since my Father didn’t work. She went on a lot of trails with him, and since it was so easy to keep track her she got to enjoy being off leash and smelling whatever she wanted.

After about 10 years of being in Utah, my parents moved back to the east coast. She came back with my mother and lived with my sister and her family until my mother found a new home. At this point she was showing her age, and was living with people who didn’t live with a dog before (aside from my mother and sister), so there was a lot of adjusting for the humans, and the dog. It was also hard for her since the house had three floors, and going up and down the hardwood steps was a little bit hard for her. I think it was a confusing time for Madison, and she didn’t get much stability until my parents found their home and moved in a few days after Christmas. She was able to live her new house for about a year.

I was originally going to write a Sunday Reads post, but it morphed into me just reminiscing over Madison. I loved her, and we had a strong bond when I was living with her. I secretly hoped at some point she could come and live with me again, but it was pretty hard to see her unless I came out to Utah since she was too big to fit as a carry on on a plane. She taught me a lot. I think without her I wouldn’t of been as aware of the genetic problems that occurred from “pure breeds.” I don’t think I would of transitioned to veganism when I did if I didn’t have a strong emotion bond with an animal. I’ll miss you Madison.


It has been awhile since I’ve posted a recipe on the blog. I guess I needed a break from Vegan MOFO, where I posted a whopping 14 recipes, that is almost a new recipe every other day! And there is the holidays where I get a little scared of breaking out the new recipes and try to stick with the classics. And I really haven’t been feeling like cooking as of late. I think my new house set up seems like such a bigger commitment to either be in the kitchen or be on the computer. In the old apartment the computer was so close to the kitchen I could hear if something would overflow and hear timers, etc. Now the computer is on the second floor, and I just get anxious that something bad would happen.


But before I talk about this hot pot, can I stop and talk about mourning someone who died awhile ago? Last night I noticed that my husband has been really preoccupied, and more stressed than normal. Sure work might of been really crazy, but something seemed different. Turned out he found out one of the girls he dated in high school died, but it happened several months ago and he was just finding out.

I know this can suck, and can happen often in smaller town. It has happened to me, with my friend Pete. We were friends senior year of high school and he wanted to hang out during our breaks during college, but I was sadly in another state and couldn’t hang out. I made some comment about his brother with Alexa, then proceeded to ask about Pete. She was dumbfounded and told me he past away, like 2 years ago. Nobody mentioned it to me because everyone thought someone else told me.

It was weird, because I couldn’t really talk to many people about it, because everyone already knew for such a long time. They had already passed the different grieving phases, so I was kind-of left alone with my feelings. I felt terrible for not being able to go to the funeral, not being able to hang out when we could of, and I felt bad for his brother, who under the circumstances of the death, felt responsible. Where do you turn? Luckily I could talk to Alexa about it, and I had a friend in my area who actually went to college with Pete, and also thought I knew about the death. So it we talked about awesome he was.

For my husband this girl got his by a car while running, so maybe it hit him on a closer level since we both go running. So now I am a little nervous what my next run will do to his nerves. But it is bound to happen. I don’t know, it is such a weird feeling about finding out someone passed away so long after it happened, it can feel embarrassing and isolating on top of all the feeling you get from mourning.


But this post is about soup, so we will change the topic. This curry hot pot is one of my favorite weeknight dinners. It is super simple to make, and probably only need 10 minutes of prep time. Just chop, add broth, and boil. No sautéing, or prepping the protein. And even better, it is super easy to customize! That can be great when your partner doesn’t totally jive with your palette. In this case it is my husband not wanting his soup as spicy as mine. And if they don’t want tofu, it is easy to sauté some meat or faux meat for them. One wants a gluten-free diet? Use some other noodle (I’ve tried bean noodles, it is bitchin)


It is worth noting the star of this recipe are individual hot pots. It was something I never bought because I thought it was silly and maybe a waste of money. It went on a wishlist for our wedding, and my sister and brother in law bought them for us. I mean it is an expensive item- $36 a pot, and you need to buy TWO for a couple. But I can safely say this is the greatest thing for two people living with each other. It is nice to have our own bowls for own meals. I’ve already posted recipes for dolsot bibimbap and mushroom hot pots with these pots. Again, this made it so I could have my super spicy bibimbap, while my husband could have his whimpy version. If you in a serious relationship and living with your significant other, I totally recommend buying them. You get the satisfaction of making what you want but sharing a similar experience.



Keeping with the idea of customizing, this recipe is super flexible. I posted what I made in these photos, but I’ve switched around the ingredients. I’ve made this with seitan sausage instead of tofu, grilling the seitan and adding it in with the ramen. I switched noodles, switched the veggies (using sautéd onions, raw celery, potatoes, etc), this is a forgiving recipe. If you are thinking of different veggies to use, I usually use winter vegetables that last long in the fridge. Celery, radish, root veggies, cabbage, nappa, green onions, carrots, heck try out some beets. Go crazy. That is what I love about hot pots. Super simple stuff here. 


If you are wondering where to get vegan ramen there are a few places. Some of the style of mainstream American ramen (oriental and chili) are vegan, and you can just toss the flavor packets. But that seems a little wasteful, but easy to find at your local supermarket. There is an organic all vegan ramen line called Koyo Natural Foods. They sell organic ramen noodles that are plain and have no flavoring. They also sell packets with powders, but I think my hot pot packs more flavor. Your next bet is to check out an Asian Market and look down their aisles. Look under the noodles aisle, ramen package aisle, and refrigerated sections. Read ingredients as egg can be a common ingredient in some of the fresh noodles. I found a package of noodles that came in round dried blocks, and came in one bag. So it saved money and packaging. Once you find a ramen source, you will likely go nuts for it. Continue reading

Bubba and Blaze

Bubba and Blaze

Hello again. I posted here once last week and planned on putting up a tea review and then a fashion post, but this last week has been one of the hardest times of my life. 

Bubba and me - thanks Mom!

Bubba and me – thanks Mom!

I have been around horses for almost as long as I can remember. Not many people get to say that, and I consider myself lucky every day. The first two that impacted my life in a big way were Blaze and her best buddy Bubba. Bubba passed away three years ago, and it was hard for me back then because I had already been removed from her for a while. I was finishing up my junior year at SVA in the city when my mother told me we had to put her down. I remember being so upset, and very worried about Blaze. The two of them couldn’t stand to be separated for any length of time. You would have to take both of them out to the field from the barn together for them to be calm…what was Blaze supposed to do without her other half? Mom said she reacted as, I think, almost any animal would. Confused, then understanding. 

On April 16th, Blaze left this world, and left a hole in my heart. 

Continue reading