A few days ago, I expressed legitimate concern for Morgan’s newfound love of terrorizing her parents with slobbery attacks (like a baby pirate would do, I assume). Ali took it upon herself to turn my concern into one big joke. A pirate joke that is! But don’t take my word for it.

“I think pirate jokes are the funniest of all jokes.  Why you ask?  Because they are inoffensive (unless you’re a pirate), and they are so terrible that they make everyone crack a smile—even if it’s just out of pity.

My favorite pirate joke ever is as follows:

A pirate walks into a bar with a patch on his eye, a hook on one of his hands and a peg leg.  The bartender says, “oh no!  What happened to your leg?” The pirate responds, “Argh, we were out at sea and we got into battle.  A cannon ball took me left leg right off.  The doc patched me up and I’m good as new! Argh!” The bartender took a look at his hand.  “What happened there?” he asked. “Shiver me timbers!  We were at battle and it got sliced right off with a sword.  Argh!  The doc, he set me up with this hook and I’m fine.” “And the patch?” the bartender asked. “Well, I was at sea – ARGH! – and I look up and a bird sheet in me eye,” the pirate explained. “Surely bird shit wouldn’t blind you,” the bartender said. The pirate, looking rather sheepish, responded, “Argh… I was new with the hook.”

Is this Morgan’s future??

When babies attack, it’s cuter than when animals do. It’s like a hug with lots of saliva, even though they mean to harm you. But the cutest is if a baby animal attacks. If that happened, my head would explode. But enough with the philosophical scenarios. All I know is this: judging from this picture, Morgan would make a great pirate for Halloween.

Amazing news! The Saucier’s blog has linked to POP Effect! This is a coup and a great honor, considering The Saucier’s is one of the most popular blogs among the Sakraida media network. Congrats to the staff (Jenny, occassionally; Ali, once; me, all the time).

Morgan has a nemesis! And she’s French, naturally. Capucine is an adorable little francaise (nicknamed Amelie Jr.) who spins magical stories about animals who lose their way (view her famed video here). Naturally Morgan is getting jealous, which means: It’s baby’s first rival!

So far the feud is thus: Capucine has been quoted as saying, “There was something going amiss because there was a crocodile who was sleeping in the grass and when you stepped on him, he would eat the babies.”

To which Morgan retorted: “Mamamamamamamamama.”

The fight may not progress very far until Morgan learns how to do more than wave at her toys and say Mama or Dada in a circuituous string.

Spending Christmas with little baby Morgan (age: 8 months) was fun this year, but I cannot wait for when she’s a toddler and understands the concept of Santa Claus; Ariella and I decided it would be hilarious if we made an example of Jenny one year. She’ll open a gift and it’ll be a rock or a pile of dog shit, and then she’ll cry and shake her fist in the air, shouting “Why was I naughty this year? Why did I hit my mother when she tried to buckle my seatbelt? Why do I keep taking my pants off when my parents have company over?” And Morgan will sit there, wide-eyed and terrified of ever doing anything. It’ll be great.

I realized the other day though that this is like the episode of Arrested Development when George Sr. uses his friend J. Walter Weatherman (and his prosthetic arm) to teach the kids lessons. They always involve the limb flying off and blood going everywhere. Thus Jenny will be our J. Walter Weatherman. (“Oh no! Santa gave me a flaming bag of vomit. Why do I insist on watching Wonder Pets when I know it’s time for my nap?”)