Well guys, National Puppy Day is over. I fear that I didn’t savor it like I should have. I watched a video of a puppy trying to walk, and that’s it. What is wrong with me? Now I have to wait a whole year until National Puppy Day comes again. But on the upside, we have a whole year to plan how to celebrate the next National Puppy Day. I’m pretty sure after I publish this, there will be a flood of suggestions in the comments section.
Not that long ago, New York magazine did a story that posed the question of whether twitter personalities are edging out moderately successful bloggers. How can this be true? How is it that twittering is already making blogging obsolete? I’m still getting used to the fact that my time working at a magazine (as we currently know it) has an eventual expiration date, but I cannot handle the notion that my new blog could be better served as a twitter because of all the stupid people who are obsessed with Twitter updates. How are blogs being so quickly overrun? Isn’t Twitter, like, three months old? When will Twitter be overrun? Tomorrow? Maybe by a service that lets you just publish an emoticon that represents how you feel. Until another site let’s you choose half an emoticon because one is too tiring to select. And then a third site will just have one-stroke punctuation posts. I should prepare for the future and patent that last idea. The punctuation lexicon: ! = excited, ? = confused, ; = “there’s shit in my eye”, ~ = “I’m feeling saucy”.
Where does this end?
In all seriousness though, Twittering won’t completely replace blogs. Of course it won’t. Without Perez Hilton’s celebrity penis drawings, a story about Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears just won’t make sense to the average reader. People need a visual reminder of things like that. “Oh right, she’s a ho. Now I can put this story about jean shorts into context.”
New York magazine (and Ali) laid the whole “what gender will the sex-changing comic book character be in the film adaptation of Thor?” issue to rest: Loki will possibly be played by Josh Hartnett, which means it’ll be pre-sex change [because Loki was originally a man (and Josh Hartnett currently is a man)]. But seriously, I’m already over the sex changing comic book character BECAUSE it’s not as saucy as I had previously thought. Dan explained it to me in depth, and Loki just gets resurrected as a girl instead of a dude. I thought he legitimately had a sex change, via operation, because he felt as if he couldn’t relate as a man anymore. That would have been brilliant. I’ll direct an alternate Thor movie and have it released at the same time, only mine will have the operation. It’ll be like when Armageddon and Deep Impact were released at the same time. I’m not sure which movie I’d prefer to be in that scenario though.
Here’s a super fun game that I kind of sort of came up with on my own (a claim that shall remain undisputed, so long as Jackie doesn’t read this). I like to call it: Babelfish it! ©. First, I take a well-known quote from a movie, then translate it into another language through the use of Babelfish. Then, I post the translation here with the language “key”. The reader (Dan, probably; maybe Kate Winslet) then translates it back to English and tries to guess through the hilarious language what the original quote was. Here’s a little taste:
Ich bin in einem Glasfall vom Gefühl. (German)What popular film could this be from?? You must Babelfish It! ©.
A few days ago, I expressed legitimate concern for Morgan’s newfound love of terrorizing her parents with slobbery attacks (like a baby pirate would do, I assume). Ali took it upon herself to turn my concern into one big joke. A pirate joke that is! But don’t take my word for it.
“I think pirate jokes are the funniest of all jokes. Why you ask? Because they are inoffensive (unless you’re a pirate), and they are so terrible that they make everyone crack a smile—even if it’s just out of pity.
My favorite pirate joke ever is as follows:
A pirate walks into a bar with a patch on his eye, a hook on one of his hands and a peg leg. The bartender says, “oh no! What happened to your leg?” The pirate responds, “Argh, we were out at sea and we got into battle. A cannon ball took me left leg right off. The doc patched me up and I’m good as new! Argh!” The bartender took a look at his hand. “What happened there?” he asked. “Shiver me timbers! We were at battle and it got sliced right off with a sword. Argh! The doc, he set me up with this hook and I’m fine.” “And the patch?” the bartender asked. “Well, I was at sea - ARGH! - and I look up and a bird sheet in me eye,” the pirate explained. “Surely bird shit wouldn’t blind you,” the bartender said. The pirate, looking rather sheepish, responded, “Argh… I was new with the hook.”
Is this Morgan’s future??
Amanda Lepore—a “model” and trans-icon who could probably win an award for “most artificial materials contained in a living person”—is launching her own perfume. I don’t mean to be insensitive or anything, but who exactly is this perfume being marketed to? And by “who” I mean, “what gender of person”? And what I really mean to say is, who wants to smell remotely like how Amanda Lepore looks? The fact that the perfume costs a ghastly $950 is almost besides the point and should only be used as a secondary argument to why this would be a terrible, terrible purchase. Also, I suspect Ariella will be angry about how close I’ve placed a picture of Amanda Lepore to Morgan. Oops.
When babies attack, it’s cuter than when animals do. It’s like a hug with lots of saliva, even though they mean to harm you. But the cutest is if a baby animal attacks. If that happened, my head would explode. But enough with the philosophical scenarios. All I know is this: judging from this picture, Morgan would make a great pirate for Halloween.
